ON JOINING the NECC (Non-existent Camera Club), I decided to go in for the competitions.

My first attempt was landscapes. I was told it was too boring, so I went to the lido and got some lovely shots of young ladies in swimwear. I was called a "dirty old man".

So I tried my tea club. There I took pictures of more elderly, buxom ladies, which was frowned upon.

My last attempt was the gym, where I took pictures of muscular men and was asked if I was gay.

I picked up a copy of The Sun when I realised what the world needed for pictures: captured statesmen in their underpants.

And all the do-gooders were up in arms about it because they thought it was degrading.

If they go back 60 years they will find pictures of our soldiers on the Burma Railway, walking skeletons and then they would know what the word degrading meant.

I have put my camera in the draw, binned The Sun but stayed in the NECC (Non-existent Crochet Club).

G WOODGET

Highlands Road

Orpington