Dubbed Britain's rudest comedian, Roy "Chubby" Brown tells HANNAH STEPHENSON how a life-threatening illness gave him little to laugh about.

MUCKY comic Roy "Chubby" Brown has made a mint on the club circuit and achieved cult status with a huge following of fans who love his blue jokes and bad language.

But the millionaire comedian, who clawed his way up from a rough Teesside council estate, had little to laugh about when he discovered he had throat cancer.

"I was devastated," he says. "I've never had a cigarette in my life."

Doctors said the cancer could have been caused by years of performing in smoky clubs, over-use of his vocal chords, poor diet and too much caffeine.

"I got such a shock when the doctor told me. It was as if he'd hit me with a mallet.

"At first, I didn't think I was going to get out of the room I was in. I didn't know you could cure cancer. We all avoid the word. I asked, 'How long have I got?' He said he wouldn't know until he operated.

"The next two weeks was purgatory. I cried and I cried. But then I stopped and thought, I'm 58 and I knew lads who never got to 50."

Since his operation, the 61-year-old comedian has only one vocal chord left and has been told he can do no more than three shows a week or his voice will give out.

Roy learnt to speak again with the help of intensive therapy and took six months to return to the stage, but his recovery has taken about three years.

"I have to go back to hospital one more time in September and if nothing's materialised he's going to give me the all clear."

Now Roy has charted his battle with cancer, along with other segments of his outrageous life, in his autobiography Common As Muck!.

"I've been a bit of a Jack-the-lad in my time," he laughs.

Born Royston Vasey (the town in TV comedy The League Of Gentlemen is named after him, and he has appeared as town mayor in several episodes), Roy came from a harsh working class background in Grangetown, one of the most run-down areas of Middlesbrough. His mother left home when he was a child, leaving his steel worker father to look after him.

With little parental guidance, Roy soon got into trouble with the police for offences including shoplifting, regular scraps with other street kids and breaking and entering - for which he was sentenced to two years in Borstal. The first three months of his detention were spent in Armley, one of the toughest jails in the country.

"For a 17-year-old lad, Armley was a frightening wake-up call," Roy recalls. "Surrounded by convicted rapists, murderers, drug addicts and downright head cases, I didn't dare look at anybody in case they took it the wrong way."

After serving his time, he married his first wife Judith, with whom he has two grown-up children, Richard and Robert. But Roy wasn't ready to settle down and assume responsibility for his young family: the marriage lasted two years.

He had a number of different jobs - including hod carrier, market trader and waiter - played around with other women, and became a drummer in several bands with such diverse names as The Pipeline and The Nuts. When the bands finally split Roy was left to go on his own and start his comedy career.

He cut his comedy teeth in the rough, tough clubs of the North East, frequently having to deal with drunks, noisy conversations and hecklers. But he soon learned to quieten individuals with his acerbic put-downs: even now, arrive late to one of his shows at your peril.

To counteract the interruptions, Roy worked hard on his gags. "I set myself the task of writing around 10 jokes a day, a practice to which I've stuck ever since. As long as one of the 10 jokes is good enough to keep in my act, I'd have 365 new gags a year and my act would never get stale."

As the material improved, so did the venues, until he became the warm-up act for Bernard Manning, who remains his comedy icon and friend. Roy eventually topped the bill at the London Palladium, although he says he wasn't terribly comfortable with that.

His love life over the years has been almost as colourful as his trademark multi-coloured patchwork quilt suit, flying hat and goggles. Twice divorced, he was unfaithful to his first two wives, but has now settled down with his third wife Helen (22 years his junior), with whom he has two children: Reece, five, and three-year-old Amy.

"I always said to her, 'if you ever see me with another woman, shoot me in the back of the head'. I adore my wife and kids. They are everything to me."

Roy and Helen married in Las Vegas in 2001, six months before he discovered he had cancer. The illness has changed his outlook on life, he says. "As you get older you get more settled in yourself. You grow up. The cancer thing has made me think, isn't life precious?

"I go down the gym every morning, swim and eat the right foods. If I'm not working I don't drink. I just have a brandy before I go on stage to put me in the mood."

Roy hopes he is a better father to his two young children than he was to his two firstborn. Recently he discovered that he also has two other grown-up children by different women from his wilder days. He says he will help them if he can, but his place is with his current wife and kids.

"At my age, I want to take it easy. I want to spend time with my kids and go to the seaside and buy ice-cream. I'm quite a simple man."

He doesn't swear in front of his kids, he insists, and age has made him a more polite person off stage.

"Chubby showed me a way out," he says. "Chubby made me something. He saved me from myself. Chubby had always been more important to me than anything, but not any more."

Common As Muck!, by Roy "Chubby" Brown, is published by Time Warner, priced £16.99, out now.

Roy "Chubby" Brown live - adults only. October 27, Fairfield Halls, 020 8688 9291.

November 6 and 7. Orchard Theatre, Dartford, box office 01322 220000.