You probably think that Chinese food is something mystical, magical and beyond your capabilities. Well, it's not. Buy a wok, some groundnut oil, soy sauce and egg noodles and the world is your oyster sauce. If you are up to speed with my very interesting life, you will know that I am a bit of a cook. Not a chef, a cook - there's a difference. The difference is that I do not parade around in a blue and white striped apron professing that I know better than Gordon Effin-Ramsey. After all, Ramsay is a wrinkly, bigoted loudmouth with too much to say. I don't wear an apron when I'm doing the cooking. Come to think of it, Gordon wears the whites, it's Marco who wears the blue and white.

A couple of years ago, I was given a wok for my birthday and I have made the very best use of it. I think it's about time that I shared its secrets with you. Incidentally, Marco has now reached new depths, far away from his posh 'bad boy' image, by advertising Knorr stock cubes - say no heffing more.

Anyway, are you the sort of person who thinks that Chinese food is something you can only ever gobble via an eat-all-you-like Chinese restaurant or insipid takeaway?

You are? Hmmm. Let me put you straight.

Buy a wok, some groundnut oil, sesame seed oil, soy sauce, hoisin sauce, oyster sauce, cheap packet of shrimps from a supermarket near you and you are almost there.

A rack of spare ribs from Morrisons plus a pack of beansprouts and mangetout, tin of water chessies. Don't forget the tomato ketchup cos that and a bit of dry sherry and sugar is what your sweet and sour sauce is made up of - takes about 6 minutes.

Fried rice? Boil some rice, let it cool in the fridge, put it in the wok, fry it for a minute, make a well in the middle, crack an egg in it, scramble it, mix it in. It's the yolk, folks. Fried rice at its very best - restaurant style.

If you own an oven with a hob, you can make Chinese style food, no matter what the size of your cooker and/or kitchen.

Chinese food - the biggest con in the world of takeaways.

And I bet you thought you were treating yourself, didn't you?

Fried rice recipe:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=helY29st0eY