News Shopper's recent story LEWISHAM & GREENWICH: Website lifts lid on top places for gay sex tells the of tale liaisons between consenting adults in a multitude of public toilets ranging from the hospital to the high street variety. What troubles me is this: Why the heck would somebody want to get it on in such smelly surroundings?

Look, please don't get me wrong. I'm no prude and can completely understand the excitement that can be derived from having a bit of illicit 'ladies and gentlemen' away from the boudoir. Let's face it, I'm a man of a certain age who can remember back to those carefree days when a quick bit of 'how's your father, where's your boyfriend?' went down rather more agreeably than 'how was your day and what's for dinner?'.

My memory is not so short that I can't remember sowing my wild oats in the occasional field and lay-by. Or should that be lay and bye, I wonder?

What gets me is the thought that a person can get his kicks having it off in a bog. I mean, I can't think of anywhere more disgusting in which to get ones rocks off whilst keeping one's socks on.

Of all the places one can find to do what comes naturally, why choose a public lav?

When I was a lad, those of us who were lucky enough to own a car used to park up in a secluded lane in New Eltham. I won't name the lane in case I spoil it for others who currently frequent that tranquil, dark and secluded oasis of discreet, unbridled, innocent, pleasure. Tina Turner's 'Steamy Windows' could almost have been written with this location in mind, though I doubt that Ms Turner (lovely legs) has ever taken the trouble to visit sleepy New Eltham.

Oh, before I forget, I remember once having my bum bitten by wood ants in a secluded field in Chislehurst. It really spoilt the moment for me and my then girlfriend, but at least The Gordon Arms was close by. I must say, a pint or three of Directors bitter soon took my mind off our disastrous coupling quicker than I can say engaged, married, divorced.

So can it be right that the majority of gay men really enjoy sleight of hand, tongue-in-cheek, ferreting, cottaging, peepholing and dirty sanchez more than they would making love to their partner in the privacy of their own homes? I think not.

I've already admitted that I have enjoyed a 'bit of the other' away from the bedroom, lounge and kitchen. However, it was away from prying eyes and flapping ears. I think that a lot of gay men and women have also taken pleasure in taking pleasure in the open air, lovers' lanes, woods and fields. And why not? We've all done it and we've all been there.

The difference is, we did it discreetly, full in the knowledge that we wouldn't be discovered.

I suppose the sort of people who derive pleasure from coupling in public toilets are the kind who need to walk a sexual tightrope. Their pleasure is heightened by the fear of being discovered. After all, let's not forget those who are proud to proclaim themselves members of the 'Mile High Club'.

Come to think of it, MHC is made up mostly of heterosexuals, isn't it?