A BROTHER and sister are distraught after a church refused to let their mum, who died in April, have the gravestone she wanted.

St Mary CofE Church in London Road, Swanley, has rejected the headstone Sylvia Andrews picked for her grave in its cemetery before she died earlier this year, aged 77.

The church has refused to allow the headstone because it is highly polished and has silver lettering and a kerb set, which is not permitted by Church of England rules.

However when Mrs Andrews, who lived in Abbotts Close in Swanley, chose the headstone from Co-operative Funeralcare in Dartford in March 2004 the design was permitted.

But a change in Church of England regulations since then meant that when her son Tony Andrews tried to arrange for the headstone to be installed last month, he was told it was not allowed.

The 55-year-old said: “My mum was buried in the same plot as my dad Walter, who died in 1997, and she wanted this special headstone for the both of them, so we’re really upset she can’t have it.”

Mr Andrews says there are lots of headstones at St Mary which are highly polished and have kerb sets, and believes it is “unfair” his mum’s has been rejected.

The Diocese of Rochester, which oversees St Mary, has told Mr Andrews he can appeal to its chancellor to overturn the decision and allow the headstone.

However, Mr Andrews said: “It costs £212 to petition the chancellor, which is a lot of money, and I have never known anyone to be successful, so it seems pointless.”

There is currently a wooden cross made by Mrs Andrews’ children at her burial site, and Mr Andrews says the family is now considering other designs for a headstone.

Mrs Andrews daughter Veronica Older, of Abbotts Close in Swanley, says she is “distraught” because her mum’s dying wishes have not been carried out.

The 50-year-old said: “My mum chose that headstone especially, it was the one she wanted for her and for my dad, so it’s heartbreaking that she can’t have it.”

A Diocese of Rochester spokeswoman said: “Mr Andrews was advised that the Churchyard Regulations 1981 do not permit highly polished headstones, or kerb sets or silvered lettering.”

She added that the Diocese has “expressed its sympathy to Mr Andrews and his family”.

A Co-operative Funeralcare spokeswoman apologised for the distress and inconvenience caused to Mrs Andrews family by the headstone problems.

She said staff are working with the family to choose a suitable replacement for the headstone.