Welcome to the latest Shopper Rant opinion column which argues why nightclub bouncers are idiots who the public should be protected from. Join the debate by adding your comments.

A NIGHTCLUB bouncer was jailed six years ago for ramming his walkie-talkie into a student's face so hard that his eye-ball exploded.

David Lowe was celebrating with friends after finishing his university exams in Bristol and like many people do, maybe had a bit too much to drink.

In my experience people go one of four ways when drunk - funny, irritating, aggressive or unconscious.

Mr Lowe lapsed into the latter and simply fell asleep before a useless, unintelligent, good-for-nothing lump of meat by the name of Martin White got him into a headlock, shoved his walkie-talkie into his retina and dragged him out of the club like a bag of old rubbish.

Needless to say Mr Lowe will never regain his sight in that eye.

It was this case that started my hatred of bouncers.

Being a bouncer is a job which requires common-sense, people skills, tact and above all discretion.

Dealing with excited, over-friendly or sometimes aggressive people can no doubt be a challenge - but that is exactly what they are there for.

And from my experiences, bouncers thrive on trouble rather than trying to prevent it. The reason? They are all stupid. And it's as simple as that.

Anyone who has half a brain cell will go out into the big wide world and get a proper job. But those who don't need to look for other useful attributes they may possess.

For some it's looks ... fine - go and be a model.

For others it is brawn - well, great - go and get a job as a jail warden.

But then there are a select group of imbeciles who are so stupid that even prison won't take them.

These people apply for jobs standing on the doors of nightclubs waiting for the slightest excuse to punch someone's head in.

Back in my clubbing days, which wasn't all that long ago, a bouncer came up to me and said: "What were you just laughing at?"

I replied: "Your face" ... actually, no, I didn't say that, although I should have done.

I said: "Excuse me? I was laughing with my friends."

He said: "You were laughing at me and took a picture."

I replied: "I don't even have a camera."

The donkey then thrust my arm behind me and slammed me against a wall before grabbing my little finger and saying: "If you don't hand over the camera I will break it in two."

By this times my friends were hysterically protesting my innocence and, luckily for me, a punter who knew the meat-head talked him down before the ugly lump of lard pushed me in the direction of the stairs.

I promise you - I took no pictures that night. Who knows what he thought he saw.

In Amsterdam, you see far fewer of these dimwits who get a kick out of intimidating and provoking.

Self-policing works wonders there - maybe we should try it over here.

This column in no way reflects the official position of News Shopper or its parent company.

What do you think? Have you had any bad experiences at the hands of nightclub bouncers? Should there be tighter controls on how venues manage trouble? Add your comments below.

Check News Shopper's website every lunchtime for a new daily opinion column. Tuesday is entertainment, Wednesday is a reader's rant, Thursday will cover a moral issue and Friday is sport. Be sure to have your say if you agree or disagree with what you read.