Your Lord has a confession to make, so I think it is time I eased my conscience and came clean. It is with regret that I announce that I am an accomplice in the feeding of foxes, squirrels and stray cats.

I'm afraid it's true. Once a week, usually on a Sunday, I receive a telephone call from a very close family member - who shall remain nameless. During the brief conversation, I take down details of this person's shopping requirements for the week. As well as the usual eggs, milk, washing powder and such like, I invariably receive secret instructions to purchase a case of dog food, several cheap loaves of white bread, a hefty supply of frozen coley and last, but not least, half a dozen bags of roasted monkey nuts.

You might think this sounds innocent enough but my contact doesn't own a dog. Neither does my contact eat white bread, preferring wholemeal to white. My contact has never eaten coley in her life - darn it, I gave away the gender, but no mind. Oh, and my contact hates monkey nuts.

In short, the dog food is fodder for the local fox community that visits my contact's garden on a daily basis. The bread is for the many birds that fly in for their breakfast, lunch and dinner. To my shame, the coley (which isn't cheap) is lovingly prepared for the band of stray cats which dine in my contact's backyard. Oh, and the nuts are for the family of squirrels that have taken up residence in a tree at the top of the garden.

My contact is elderly and housebound. She has very few pleasures in life since she lost the use of her legs but one thing that brightens her day is watching through the patio window for the many visitors of the four-legged and winged variety. The cats aren't really strays because they 'belong' to the neighbours but my contact still insists on giving them a fish supper seven days a week.

In light of the recently alleged attack by a wily fox on two very young children, Basil's brush is definitely tarred and marred. I must admit, many of the foxes that visit my contact's garden are mangy and a little worse for wear; so much so, in fact, that my contact has gone out of her way to inform the RSPCA and succeeded in having them removed and treated.

My contact's garden is delightful, there's no doubt about that. The wildlife that visits makes Bill Oddy's Nature Watch look rather on the pathetic side, so eat your heart out Bill.

In light of recent events, I am a little surprised that a fox would venture into a house and attack. We all know that foxes like to kill chickens - it's in their nature, after all. But children? Hmm.

Anyway, that's my confession. I'm sure you will all forgive me for my sins and I hope you will not hold it against me when I visit a supermarket near you this weekend to replenish my contact's supplies.

And yes, she IS a dotty old lady. A very kind, dotty old lady, with legs that haven't weathered the years at all well - but her heart's in the right place, there can be no doubt about that.