In part three of our series to celebrate the 25th anniversary of EllenorLions Hospices, DAVID MILLS looks at the care provided for people suffering bereavement.

FOR Barbara Huntley, losing one husband to cancer was hard enough.

To experience it again a few years later when her second husband died, was a trauma she did not want to talk about.

But thanks to the help of the EllenorLions bereavement group following both deaths, Mrs Huntley has not just received the support she so desperately needed, she has also made some very close friends.

The 72-year-old, of Brent Close, Dartford, said: “It was a life-saver. I don’t think I would have recovered anywhere near as quickly as I did if I hadn’t had the support and company of people who were going through the same thing.

“We all go through it in a different way but the one thing we could do together was we could cry together and nobody took any notice.

“But even more importantly, we could laugh together and nobody would think how can they laugh after going through such a terrible thing.

“It is a terrible thing but we all felt equal. You could talk very openly.”

Mrs Huntley lost her first husband Rod Blackston, aged 71, to bowel cancer in 2005.

Three years later she married Ralph Huntley, who died in January of pancreatic cancer at the age of 76.

The mother-of-two has made lots of friends, including a woman who she discovered lived in her road.

They became such good friends, the pair even went on a month-long holiday together touring New Zealand and Australia.

Mrs Huntley said: “You make close friendships because you’re very vulnerable when you have just lost someone.

“You can go in and feel comfortable.

“My second husband had a traumatic death.

“I couldn’t speak about it to anyone, it was too awful to talk about.

“Until I spoke to a counsellor I couldn’t sleep because I kept going over it.

“She listened, I cried and when I came out I felt I’d had a great weight lifted off me because I had been able to describe what I had been going through.

“It isn’t people just sympathising with you, they understand how you feel.

“They don’t sympathise saying it will be alright in time, they just accept you for the way you are.”

BEREAVEMENT - HOW ELLENORLIONS CAN HELP

EllenorLions holds a weekly bereavement group at its centre in East Hill Drive, Dartford.

It is an opportunity for people to meet and offer mutual support with specially trained staff and volunteers on hand.

Many friendships are formed at the group, which often last a lifetime.

At the moment the hospice counselling team supports 117 families before and after bereavement.

It also offers play and music therapy for children who may find it hard to discuss their feelings.

The team is managed by EllenorLions chaplain The Rev David Norley and has two part-time counsellors, 13 volunteers, a part-time play therapist and a part-time music therapist.

All services are free.

Visit the hospice website at ellenorlions.org