Dieting and weight loss. Or weight gain. Oh god, yeah, how boring ... for those of you that don't need to bother! And it is boring. It's boring having to diet, it's boring having to listen to people that are dieting - or who are planning to go on a diet - and it's boring that anybody has to even try losing weight.

After all - we're all different ... we can't all look like Madonna or Kate Moss ... why can't we just eat and drink what we like and be done with what we end up looking like? If only.

I have some fantastically attractive friends - male and female - that are 'big' ... to be polite. They suit their skin. They have faces and personalities that would be ridiculous on a Twiggy or Mick Jagger frame. I really envy them. Thing is - I'm one of the Tweenies ... I'm an InBeTweeny ... I'm neither meant to be big and jolly or slender and willowy. And of course I know this, because I'm a yo-yo dieter.

I diet too much and I get cries of horror from my mum and my friends - "you are going to stop now aren't you?", "don't get silly now", "I can see your bones".

Of course they can't see my bones, it's just that my skin is re-acquainting itself with my skeleton. "Hi there skelly - haven't seen you since she started eating half a french stick with every meal. Every hour."

And then there's now. I am now officially - no matter what chart/graph/diet plan/doctor/child in the supermarket you choose to believe - three stone overweight. And am I happy? No!

I have no clothes that fit, I have double chins, I can feel my thighs rub together, I am the same width no matter which way round I turn. I just feel 'wrong'.

My husband lovingly told me in an argument after a few glasses of wine (each) that I was a disgusting bloated version of myself. Yeah, and he's Robbie Williams. But worse is my lovely mother - "you'll always be prettier than me, you have a lovely figure." Yes, but mum, I asked you if I looked like I'd really put on weight? She won't answer that. Apparently, I'm Miss World.

Anyway - god, sorry I do go on! - if you've read this through to the end ... just to say that I'm really not that shallow about weight and appearances. I've had an awful three years of heartache and loss in my family. I realise there are more important things in life than appearances - I have two beautiful children. I just need to go on a diet - again - to be happier, for a bit.

Trying the SpecialK 'Drop A Jeans Size' one from Monday ... wish me luck!