I have been busy away from The Land of Blog for a little while now, but am dismayed to discover on my return that this region of NewsShoppershire is more lonely than a turd in a swimming pool. Where are all the new bloggers?

I remember a time when the Land of Blog was bursting with vibrant characters talking about all manner of subjects. Fortunately, Naq is holding the fort and doing a grand job, but it seems that no fresh blood is forthcoming.

What fun we all had when we had our resident polilticians from the left and the right; Howie Dawber, doing his best to answer ALL questions that were thrown at him, turned out to be rather a splendid chap when it came to facing criticism from News Shopper readers. Then we had the other one - whose name I can't remember - from the Tory party, who excelled at answering not one of the questions put to him but instead merely posted his daily political press release to a completely disinterested, bored public. Ah yes, those were the days.

We had a resident fairy, of course. No, I'm not being politically incorrect, I'm referring to Tinker Bell, who used to write such wonderful blogs on all manner of subjects.

Last but not least there was Yours Truly. Unfortunately, I had to retire from the blog due to unbloggable circumstances but I am very tempted to make a comeback if The Land of Blog doesn't liven itself up soon. I have a very wide-ranging fanbase, though the far-righters have put me on their most wanted list for disagreeing with their outdated, racist, vile and disgusting policies. Erithians, Dartfordians and Swanleyites have also had words with me in the past because I have dared to pass judgement on the areas in which they live, the clothes they wear, their favourite shops and the food they eat. Not to forget the alcohol and cigarettes they consume, courtesy of the taxpayers who support the benefits scroungers. Nothing has changed from what I can see; Erith is STILL tops when it comes to the horrible stakes, isn't it?

To sum up, if we don't get some new blood on here soon I will have no choice but to return and start dishing out my own views on life once more.

You have been warned!

Your Lord, Erastus Theobald Piggott