In the final part of News Shopper’s series on St Christopher’s Hospice, DAVID MILLS hears how it helps young people cope with bereavement.

WHEN 24-year-old Aaron Stokes was stabbed to death four years ago, his family felt their world had come to a devastating end.

Confused and unable to make sense of the tragedy which had suddenly entered their lives, the family from Brockley turned to St Christopher’s for help.

The Sydenham hospice’s Candle project has been providing bereavement support for children, young people and their families since 1998.

Aaron’s mother Marilyn, 46, said: “After his death as a family we were at crisis point.

“We needed support making decisions such as whether our children should view Aaron’s body before the funeral.

“I was at a loss of what to do to hold my family together and manage the impact of this tragedy which had just come and knocked at our door.

“Candle provided me with space to take stock of what had happened to us and to slowly work through it.”

"I could move on with my life"

His father Elvis, 47, said: “(Aaron’s death) affected me in so many different ways, for example relationships with friends, family and people at work.

“Candle put all these things into perspective and helped me cope with his death so I could move on with my life.”

Candle offers one-to-one and group counselling for youngsters and their families to help them come to terms with bereavement.

Around 200 children each year are supported by Candle, including Aaron’s sister Ceyrone and brother Durone.

Both are members of the project’s young people support group, which brings together children going through similar experiences of losing a loved one.

"This is something you need"

Four years after Aaron's death, the pair still come to the 25-member group sessions three times a year.

Durone, aged 15, said: “We go into groups with people we don't know who are also bereaved.

“Sometimes it's about having time alone, to reflect on things that make us think about loved ones.

“You recognise after going that this is something you need.

“You express a lot of feelings in the session and get time to reflect on the past and time spent with loved ones.

“When you come back to Candle you can let it out because you're around people you feel secure and safe with, and who understand.”

Seventeen-year-old Ceyrone said: “It helps there are lots of people like you going through the same thing.

“That's what made me feel like I didn't have to keep things inside anymore, that I could speak out because there are loads of people probably thinking the same thing.”

Coping with bereavement

Since 2000 the hospice has trained more than 1,500 Met police family liaison officers in how to deal with bereaved families.

Candle has also done work for the government following 9/11, the tsunami, 7/7 and more recently with the Ministry of Defence.

Project leader Frances Kraus said: “We believe bereavement is a normal process. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just reacting to something which has happened.

“We’re always trying to think about what children need in bereavement, it may be they don’t know how the person died, what caused it or what’s going to happen to them.

“They need reassurance about their own anxieties. They need people who share their feelings.

“Sessions start on how to cope in a changed world, children need to know ‘what am I going to say to kids at school? who do I want to know?’ “They need a chance to meet other children in a similar position.”

Despite the sad nature of her work, Frances says it is never depressing.

She said: “Bereavement in itself I see as a crisis in people’s lives and an awful lot of good can come out of it. It stops you in your tracks.

“People look at their lives and re-evaluate.

“So people make changes they feel very good about because it’s provided them with that opportunity. It makes them look at what’s good in their life.”

Dying Matters

Dying Matters is a group with nearly 7,000 members, which aims to change public knowledge, attitudes and behaviour towards death, dying and bereavement.

This week is dying matters awareness week.

For more information visit dyingmatters.org

To find out more about St Christopher's Hospice or to make a donation call 020 8768 4500 or visit stchristophers.org.uk