Hi all,

I hope you all had a relaxing Easter.

In this world we live in it does seem that more often or not you may find your perfect partner, second or third time round, and this normally means that they come with some baggage.

When I got together with the first Mr Bell, he came complete with two children aged 8 and 10. They lived with their mother who had left the first Mr Bell and moved down to the South Coast. This meant my husband never had regular contact with them, we had them odd weekend and holiday times and took them away for Holidays. His ex never really hounded him for money (that came later from the children themselves!).

Anyway we never really had any major problems with them, they got on well with me, even calling me (affectionately the WSM). As they got older we only ever heard from them when they wanted Daddy’s help or money and inevitably once we went our separate ways, I now no longer hear from either.

During our time together I never really got involved in the discipline of the children as I felt they did not live with us and it was down to my husband to keep order, however they also learnt to respect me and we always had a great time, as I would do anything to make sure they always felt welcome in our home.

Now the current Mr Bell has three little people, who are just wonderful and Mr Bell sees them on a very regular basis, which is only right and proper. I am sorry to say that the current Mr Bell’s ex sees me as the Devil Incarnate and is convinced that I am out to try and play mother to her little darlings.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them to bits and I enjoy having them to stay and I do make sure we have fun and we do things that interest them. If the current Mr Bell is not around when one of them falls over or there is a row between them all, then of course I step in with a cuddle or act as a voice of reason, but they are not my children and I would never ever assume to take the place of their mother.

I don’t know if any of you saw “Desperate Housewives” (or if you indeed watch it) where Susan’s nose is put out of joint because her son has more fun with her ex’s new partner.

It’s a very tough position being a “Step” mother or father, you need to be clear that you are not stepping on anyone’s toes yet you want to make the children’s stays the best you can, as obviously any break up is hard on the children. So trying to get a happy medium is tough.

I try to make the visits fun but I also think it is very important that the current Mr Bell spends time on his own with his children as it is really him they are coming to see not me. We are however a new family and they also need to fit in to that, which is why we do things we all enjoy. Luckily I have the secret weapon - the Dog! It is not all fun and there is time that they must do homework and Daddy is more than happy to spend time doing that.

So just how far do you go with your new partner’s children? What is acceptable? It would be interesting to hear from someone who is an “ex” and how do they cope with their ex’s new partner taking a place in their children’s life.

It really is a tough call and one you really have to try and get right to keep everyone happy.

Love

Tinks

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