We've all met them; The medical receptionist; the male or, more commonly female who sits controlling the access to our GP, our surgeon, or just about any medical practitioner.

Without the barest of medical knowledge nor permission they sit on high, wearing the judge's death cap and cast our plaintive pleas for assistance into the hell fire of eternal receptionist controlled damnation.

Today I had to run the gauntlet of one such invincible foe - only this one hadn't banked on the might of an inflamed old Naq.

Next week I am due at hospital for my 3 monthly cancer check up, blood test etcetera. I am registered disabled and have for the last 10 years, qualified for the services of the hospital patient transport system.

every three months these people decide it's time that they, not the medical staff, decided if you still qualify for their service. Well not them because they don't do the driving, they just make it hard for the patient to get a driver to take them to the hospital and for the drivers so allocated to get the said patient to the hospital.

And today it was my turn.

I was asked all the same questions about getting to hospital. Q: Why can't I go by train? A: my nearest station is 8 miles away. Q: Why can't I go by bus and then catch a train? A: because my nearest bust stop is 1.5 miles away and I am registered disabled because I can't walk that far without severe difficulties.

Q: Can you drive? A: Yes. Q: Why can't you drive to the hospital? A: because some of the treatments leave me suffering migraines and unable to drive.

Q: Why can't you drive to the bus stop and catch a bus or drive to the station and take a train?

A: Have you not been listening to me at all?

Q: What?

My answer was then to ask him why, as everything was still as it had been for the last 10 years as regards my walking and was deemed to stay that way unless I suffered a miraculous and spontaneous regrowth of part of one leg, a similarly spontaneous reformation of all the damaged muscles and nerves in my leg and the repair to a nasty, non-repairable spinal cord injury why indeed should I be any more able now 10 years on and older than I was 10 years ago?

If nothing has changed other than my cancer going into remission having done it's damage to my spinal cord and central nervous system, then why should I need to undergo this third degree by a non-medically qualified underling?

Of course there was always my friend who, having lost a leg in a road accident was actually asked if he was still missing a leg. Seriously! I kid you not. And the moron who asked the question had the nerve to make a formal complaint when my friend expressed his extremely vocal opinion over the person's parentage.

And yesterday I was talking with a man whose mother has sadly been taken ill while on holiday in France. Luckily for her she was there which is probably why she's still alive as opposed to lying dead on a trolley somewhere in a store room in a UK NHS ward.

The man had telephoned his GP's surgery which will remain nameless although it's the same as mine ( Where my then GP diagnosed my spinal cancer as me being old and overweight and refused point blank to send me for the MRI scan which would have found the cancer 4 months before it was discovered by my own privately funded one) On speaking to the receptionist and asking to speak to his GP to discuss his mother's situation he was told that when his mother came back to England "Just take her to A&E".

Remember this wasn't a doctor but a receptionist giving this advice - and this concerned a woman who had suffered a heart attack abroad.

So fellow countrymen I suggest it's time that we built a wicker man and, on Wednesday next week, we take all the medical receptionists we can find, push them into the thing, douse it in petrol and burn the blasted lot of them.

Perhaps this might then make the one's who still remain realise that they're not God almighty, nor are they medically trained. There's is not the right of law. if the patient wants to see the doctor then that is their right and if the transport moron has a problem with this then he should ensure that the doctor should be consulted.

OK - off my soapbox and time for a cuppa.