Do you know something? I am sitting here at the end of a strange day and wondering what the hell life is all about. I am a Lord of a certain age who has seen most things and done most things. I have recently been warned that if I continue to drink in the same way that I have been doing for the last xx years, I will die for my pleasure. Well, I do not care.

During my time on this Earth I have encountered one idiot after another. I am still amazed how stupid people can be but what I find more amazing is that I can still be amazed.

What are we here for? God only knows.

Does it ever annoy you that people who were once young, fit and all-knowing, degenerate into incoherent, boring, incontinent and mummified versions of their former selves?

Do you ever look in the full-length mirror and wonder what became of that body you were once so proud of? Ever look at your ankles and see those broken veins that resemble the London Underground map and ponder as to where those shapely and beautiful joints have gone?

If you are a man, do you ever face the looking-glass and notice how your once bright, sparkling eyes are now dull and lacklustre, your hitherto Roger Moore eyebrows more like garden hedges that need to be trimmed once a fortnight instead of raised 007 style? I bet the bushes that sprout from your ears would make a good home for any self-respecting robin, wouldn’t they?

If you are a woman, do you look at your reflection and see your once pert breasts sagging southwards, your nipples pointing to the floor as if divining for oil?

When you wake in the morning, do you ache all over and shuffle to the shower instead of leaping out of bed, eager for a new and exciting day?

Kenneth Williams’ last words in his diary were: ‘Oh, what’s the bloody point?’ In Your Lord’s opinion, Mr Williams summed it up quite nicely.

Your Lord, Erastus Theobald Piggott