GREETINGS fellow Bromley residents. Don’t worry, I haven’t vanished off the face of the earth, just been up to my eyes in panto - oh, yes I have!

Well, it is all happening in Strictly at the moment isn’t it?

After getting over the loss of my cooking god Gary Rhodes I am now keeping my evil eye on the rest of the troops. And what a mixture we have had over the last two weeks.

So in week three it was Gillian Taylforth's time to go. Yes Kath, it was time to head back to the café or Sun Hill, or Footballers' Wives (I can't keep up with Miss Taylforth) but certainly not her dancing after she glided around to Razzle Dazzle.

I found it all a bit wooden, going through the motions.

And then there’s poor old Jessie Wallace. Well, the cat certainly did get its cream (pardon the pun), as Jessie was voted off last week after her quick step.

Lumpy and as stodgy as a treacle pudding, Darren Bennett literally carried Miss Wallace across the floor.

But at the final vote it was either Heather or Jessie to go. And while we are mentioning Heather, her interpretation of the quick step reminded me of a demented chicken as she strutted her way around the floor with some very peculiar choreography and some very comical facial expressions - a real Sight For Sore Eyes.

But alas, it was Heather that was Moving On Up, and the queen of Albert Square was sent packing.

So on to week five, set to be the most exciting - six boys against six girls. Will it be girl power or will the boys be the stars?

Keep dancing Bromley - oh, and please send me you comments.

Simon Gross appears in Cinderfella at Above The Stag Theatre in Victoria, SW1, from December 3-21.