I have a friend - well actually I think I've demoted him to acquaintance. It turns out that we have a mutual female friend. She's a very shy lady, recently divorced and who is finding her way in the world once more.

And when I say shy, I mean painfully shy but a shyness that once you're passed it hides a person of great fun, intelligence and openness.

This lady came up in conversation between myself and my acquaintance. It seems that he had met her last weekend at a venue in London. They had conversed and he felt it necessary to opine that she didn't have much conversation in her and that "Well she has got a face like a slapped a*se hasn't she?"

Now I can make a supposition as to what prompted his comment but I won't be drawn into his world that way.

It angered me more than I quite expected. Why do people feel the need to be disparaging about someone in such a personal manner when 1) he didn't need to mention her at all and 2)he could have made no personal comment what so ever?

And then at the opposite end of the scale you get the person who drones on about someone, painting them in glowing colours and who finishes the sentence with something like "Don't you just think they're absolutely fabulous?", then puts there head on one side like a canary in a cage, and waits for you to add another coat of treacle to the opined person's CV.

Now this happened to me at about 1am this morning. A woman on a boat I was bobbing around on droned on and on about - you've guessed it - the person who'd made the previously mentioned slapped a*se comment. She finished with "I think he's wonderful don't you?" In the end she got bored trying to elicit the reply she wanted. In fact she got bored trying to elicit any reply about the man at all and went off, I have no doubt, to paint me in somewhat dreary olive drab.

Ok now maybe I'm just getting old but why do people feel the need to pass derogatory comments or fish for similar responses from others?
Could this be the reason for the increasing mass of broadcasting crap like Big brother, The X factor and similar, all of which seem hell bent of forcing a certain kind of person into our homes whilst allowing others to demean and disparage them for our supposed amusement and edification?

May I make a suggestion ? I you feel you haven't got anything pleasant to say about someone then keep your brain in gear and your mouth closed. And if you want to know someone's opinion then it's my experience that they'll tell you anyway if they're of such a bent.

If, like me they choose to adopt the old wartime adage of "Be like Dad, keep Mum" then that's our choice.