AS A journalist you expect to write both serious and light-hearted stories, often jumping straight from penning a hard-hitting crime report to a festive fete review.

But the reporter who wrote page one and two of the first News Shopper of 1990 made a leap from the grave to the absurd which must have had him shaking his head in disbelief.

On page one he reported on a violent bank raid. On page two he reported on where and when a cow did a poo.

The front page article began: "Flying squad detectives are hunting two vicious robbers who terrorised staff at two Bromley building societies before escaping with tens of thousands of pounds in cash."

The page two article began with this sentece: "Avid pupils followed the progress of a cow around the school field to see where it would decide to do its business."

This game saw the field divided into several hundred squares with each sponsor paying £1 for a square.

If Maisie the cow relieved herself in a sponsor's square, they won all the money betted and could give it to a charity of their choice.

This game was the creation of Bromley sixth form students, but I think it could become a national phenomenon.

Who wouldn't want to settle down in front of the TV on a Saturday night to watch the gameshow Where Will the Cow Poo?

Who wouldn't love to watch Bruce Forsyth follow Maisie around a field, his eyes fixed on her rear, while repeating "Is she going to do it now?"

Moving on. In November 1990 News Shopper warned its readers to "be on guard for a deadly toy car".

This was not an article about a remote-control car kitted out with guns and controlled by an evil villain, it was about a toy car that contained highly toxic levels of lead.

The toy was recalled from shops and thrown away by people across News Shopper's patch.

Perhaps strapping a camera to a remote-control car would be the best way to film Where Will the Cow Poo?

It would keep Bruce's shoes clean.