DECOR ***** (pure class) DRINK ***** (mind-blowing choice) PRICE ** (not for the cash-strapped) ATMOSPHERE **** (heavenly) STAFF ***** (they know their booze) FOOD **** (delicious and inventive)

SICK of visiting dives reeking of stale ale and vomit, there was a moment last week when I considered hanging up my spy hat and flasher mac for good.

Torn between overdosing on Alka-Seltzer or retiring to Russia, where downing a bottle of vodka for breakfast is not just a habit, it’s a passion, I opted to mull over my options with one last pint.

Where better to reminisce on my years of mercilessly savaging some of the area’s worst watering holes than at what has to be one of south-east London’s finest.

Nestled in the stunning grounds of the Old Royal Naval College, The Old Brewery is a Mecca for beer lovers, with brewing on the site dating back to the reign of Henry VI and more than 50 beers sourced from breweries around the world on offer, including Greenwich’s very own Meantime.

Rubbing my eyes in amazement at the choice of drinks, I thought maybe I had indeed topped myself and heaven was, as I thought, a bar with enough beer on tap to inebriate a herd of elephants.

Making a snap decision, I asked the barman for a half pint of Hospital Porter, which no doubt owes its name to the heart attack you may suffer after hearing the £3.50 price tag.

And if that doesn’t land you on a stretcher heading straight for A&E, its eight per cent alcohol volume will.

Anticipating my cardiac arrest, the knowledgeable barman poured me a taster and after deciding I’d rather gargle TCP, I went for a pint of the more reasonably priced, but still expensive, Meantime Kolner lager (£3.60).

Light and refreshing, it was the perfect tipple for a warm summer’s day and I headed outside to sit under one of the enormous orange umbrellas sheltering drinkers from both sun and the all too common down pour.

The inside of the bar is also a great place to unwind, with its brick walls and gently arching roof, perfectly mixing contemporary and traditional styles.

And if you want to see where some of the site’s more avant garde beers are made, pop into its adjacent restaurant, where the shiny copper-clad vats of its micro-brewery bubble with new and inventive tipples, including Mojito Pilsners and Juniper Pale Ales.

Slightly disarmed by the pub’s pleasant nature, for the first time I was left with little to complain about.

My only quibble is that the grilled Herdwick mutton burger was not only a whopping £10.50 but a little on the small side and the bun was slightly burnt.

However, with harrisa and coriander, as well as a lime creme fraiche dip and homemade chips, it still tasted incredible.

Finally, it seemed the cosmos was rewarding me for enduring the horrors of some of London’s most decrepit pubs.

Suddenly I felt the will to spy again and for those detractors who were hoping this might be my swan song, be warned, I smell trouble and it’s coming to a boozer near you.