Drink 4/5 Decor 3/5 Food 2/5 Price 5/5 Atmosphere 1/5 Staff 1/5

THE unmistakeable stench of vomit, faint at first, then stronger as you reach the bar yes, there's no doubting it, I'm back in the Sovereign of the Seas. Maybe it's the maritime name that leads so many to throw up in the bar, rather than make it to the toilets. Then again, maybe a visit to the toilets caused the problem in the first place? Still, the beer's cheap!

Seasoned visitors to Petts Wood's Sov are no doubt immune to the smell in both the bar and the toilets, so they must be attracted by the warm Wetherspoon's welcome and cheery banter! Still, the beer's cheap.

Assuming they are not cleaning the pipes during a busy lunchtime and actually spot you at the bar, I reckon you've got about a one-in-three chance of getting your drink in a clean glass. Still, the beer's cheap.

To be fair, several of the bar staff seem friendly enough and are reasonably efficient behind the bar. Others should be on the receiving end of a fair-sized rocket. Still, the ... you've got the message by now.

Close proximity to Shopper HQ leads to me passing the Sov more often than other ale houses if only to collect my very reasonable expenses. This, added to the fact journalists are usually queuing up to buy me a drink, means I visit as often as every month or two.

In recent times this hap-hazard hostelry has been so badly organized, it's run out of just about everything you name it, they've run out of it: straws, vodka, lime juice, ice, bar staff, glasses.

Still, assuming they've got some, the beer's cheap.

With such competitive pricing, a lack of real competition and a captive audience it looks as if the Sovereign's position, on the site of the old Co-op, is safe despite its failings.

So, if you want to wait endlessly at a bar, only to receive a drink in a dirty glass and then be told what they've run out of, this is the place to go. Still, the beer's cheap!