Beckenham mum hosts pre Mother’s Day ‘Mum Guilt’ event

Leila Green says she first started to feel “mum guilt” right after her three sons, Jerry, Rafa, and Frankie, were born in August 2022.

“They were taken to a special care unit, and I was moved to a post labour ward where all the other mums were cuddling their babies, and I was separated from them” Leila said, “it just felt so wrong”.

Mum guilt is the overwhelming feeling of anxiety or self-doubt experienced by mothers regarding their parenting decisions or actions - it stems from the pressure to meet societal standards of motherhood and the fear of falling short in providing the best care and support for their children.

As Jerry, Rafa, and Frankie were so premature, two of them were in hospital for four weeks and the other was in there for five weeks.

Leila told the News Shopper: “Saying goodbye to them everyday made me feel so guilty – I was pumping at the ward to see how they were doing.

“Two came home and one stayed in hospital – it felt like there wasn’t enough mummy to go around.

“It was wild, constant, and relentless, so I had to let it go quite early on otherwise I was setting myself up for failure.

“I had to break up with it, because it’s almost like a toxic relationship”.

Leila is now hoping to help other mums deal with ‘mum guilt’ as she is set to host a free Zoom event tonight (March 7) at 8pm, called ‘F*** Mum Guilt’.

Tickets are available here

She explained: “I want other mums to have a kinder mind towards mum guilt.

"My biggest tip would be that it's about priorities, not perfection.

"You can't keep on top of absolutely everything, so it's really working out what's important to you and being okay with dropping everything else.

“I’ll be sharing some of my stories, and a model to help mums move pass any guilt.

“It will be a safe space and a discussion point for other mums because I feel like it’s a bit invisible.”

Leila says she sees a lot of “moaning” on social media, with many people comparing who has “got it the hardest”.

“I wanted to get away from that energy”, Leila said, after she told the News Shopper that she lost two babies prior to having triplets.

Leila added: “Even on a hard day I feel very grateful to be a mum.

“Some social media content annoys me – yes, it’s a challenge, but we can be positive and support each other, and try to have a kinder attitude towards ourselves too.

“I think it's an inferiority thing that people don't want to talk about, because they think they should be on top of everything, and social media is not helping that narrative.

“With Mother’s Day coming up, I wanted to give something back and it felt like a good time to put something on that would be a treat to them.”

The Green family (Image: Leila Green)

Leila says the F***Mum Guilt event has already got 65 people signed up, with a range of ages set to join, including mums to toddlers and mums to older teenagers.

She added: “I think the same issue comes up, you can still feel like a bad mum whether you have a stroppy 15-year-old or a toddler throwing things at you.

“This is open to any mama who is done with the guilt and judgement no matter how old their children are or how many they have."