Letter to the editor: I read your front page (Mars A Tax!, News Shopper, March 20) and it struck a chord.

I’ve had exactly the same problem with aliens as Stephany Cohen has.

Last summer, I was walking through Danson Park, Bexley, when a beautiful female Gray stepped out from behind a bush and introduced herself. She said her alien craft was parked in the trees.

She then told me she was visiting earth to hand out free orgasms.

Shyly, she asked me if would I like one. I didn’t want to offend her by refusing.

The Gray got to work and I swear the Earth moved on its axis.

I thanked her and then revealed I was puzzled as my partner had been led to believe the female orgasm did not exist.

The Gray said: “Probably, your husband has never managed to make our planet move for you yet.” I bid her farewell and hoped she didn’t get lost flying home. She said: “Don't worry, we’ve just bought the new TomTom Universal model so it should compensate for the change in your planet’s axis.” I said: “Don’t be so sure.

“Many of our Earth vehicles take the wrong turn into someone’s back garden.

“And Whatever you do, don’t go up Old Manor Way because people there may not be as accommodating as me.”

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